Tindle came to see you
three nights ago.
- I knew him as Tindolini.
- Oh, I see.
- He had an Italian father.
- Get away.
A traditional
Italian hairdressing family.
- Is he a hairdresser himself?
- I think he is.
He didn't come all the way here
to do your hair, did he?
Not at all, not at all.
So, what did you two do
when you got together?
We played a game.
- A game?
- A game with a knife and a gun.
- A lethal game?
- No.
Just a bit of fun, that's all.
Okay, a bit of fun.
So he came to see you.
You played a game
with a knife and a gun.
Three shots were fired,
then he disappeared.
So where is he?
- Probably cuddling my wife.
- That's the one thing he's not doing.
- How do you know?
- I've seen her.
He was nowhere in sight.
No. She's an anxious woman.
She knew he was coming
to see you, you see.
In fact, she insisted
that he come to see you...
...as I know you know.
She thinks you may have killed him.
She thinks you're round the bend.
She thinks
you're a very dangerous man.
Me? She's joking.
So tell me, between ourselves...
...did you kill him?
I'll tell you exactly what I did.
I pretended to kill him.
I shot him with a blank.
I frightened the shit out of him.
Your man was right.
Your spy, whoever he was.
There were three shots.
The first two were real.
The third one was blank.
He was terrified.
When I shot him, he fainted.
When he came round
I gave him a drink, pat on the bum...
...he left the house, his tail, if you
want to call it that, between his legs.
And I haven't seen him since.
You gave him a pat on the bum?
Metaphorically.
You gave him
a metaphorical pat on the bum?
- Sure.
- How did he take it?
- What?
- The pat.
He was fine. He told me that
it was game, set and match to me.
So this guy had a sense of humor,
is that what you're saying?
Oh, yes. He left the house
with a twinkle in his eye.
So tell me,
what was the point of all this?
Humiliation.
It's nice to see your wife's lover...
...a shivering, frightened,
fucking wreck in front of you.
As a matter of fact, I liked him.
I thought he was attractive.
I thought we could have
become good friends.
The shortest way to a man's heart,
as I'm sure you know, is humiliation.
It binds you together.
You found him attractive?
I put myself in my wife's shoes,
in a manner of speaking.
I was trying to find out
what attracted her to him.
- And did you?
- Oh, yes.
He was really terribly sweet.
- I could see why she fancied him.
- I could see why he fancies her.
- Really?
- Found her very tasty myself.
- Is that so?
- Oh, yes.
Sumptuous. Ready for action.
I mean,
I'm an experienced detective.
So guess what I detected.
What?
That she's in love
with her own body.
Makes her dizzy with excitement.
You detected all this
in five minutes?
Well, 35. Perhaps even 45.
Well, let's call it 55
or even a little bit longer.
You stayed for tea?
And cakes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Must be funny for you to know...
...your own wife's getting a going-over
from another man on a regular basis.
Going-over? I don't follow.
You don't?
Not a phrase I'm familiar with.
- Means being fucked.
- You mean like in sexual intercourse?
Yes, the old one-two.
In like a lion, out like a lamb.
I must say, you have
a great gift for language.
Did you learn it at school?
The hard school. Family life.
- But you keep cheerful.
- You've got it, I keep cheerful.
I've got an optimistic nature.
You got to when you're a policeman.
Otherwise, you'd go mad.
No, I'll tell you
what keeps me going.
The chase. The thrill of the hunt
and the sudden shafts of bright light.
For instance,
when I was talking to your wife...
Very attractive woman.
Wonderful legs.
She was crossing them at the time,
I remember.
She suddenly said
you had a murderous nature.
Now, that really
made my nose twitch.
Itch?
Twitch, mate.
Twitch.
So I'm looking at you
and I'm wondering...
...what have you done
with the body?
Where's the body?
Come on, I need to know.
Where's the body?
What have you done with the body?
There's no body.
Don't fuck about!
Don't bullshit me.
I won't stand for it.
Where is it?
In the house or did you shift it?
There is no body!